Reunification Heroes: Patricia Krueger

Patricia is incredibly resilient and an absolute inspiration for parents working to reunify with their children. Patricia’s two boys were taken away from her, following a wrongful allegation of abuse. When Patricia’s third child was born a few months later, he too was taken away. Patricia has since been reunified with her children.

Patricia started volunteering for the Family Justice Resource Center (“FJRC”) in Illinois a year after her kids were taken away. Even while struggling with trying to get her kids back, she was still eager to help other families facing the same obstacles. Patricia is extremely dedicated, and because of her own
experience, she understands the complexities of the child welfare system. At the FJRC, Patricia provides the families with assistance in retaining attorneys, obtaining medical records, and responding to DCFS service requirements. She also assists attorneys in the process of having cases reviewed by independent medical experts. Through her efforts, Patricia has successfully managed to reunite four families in the past year. She continues to impress those around her with her integrity, thoroughness, and compassion.

The same persistence Patricia had in getting the State to recognize that her kids needed to be returned, is the same energy she brings to helping other families. She is a passionate advocate for families. She is also committed to developing evidence in favor of the exoneration of parents from mistaken claims that lack a scientific/medical basis. She continues to spread awareness about how children are traumatized by wrongful separation from innocent parents.

Despite every obstacle thrown in Patricia’s way, she never stopped fighting to get her kids back. By Joelle Jura, Boston University School of Law, JD candidate, 2023.

Q: What are some of your favorite things to do with your children?

A: We love to go outside, and especially love camping, I have three kids, and their personalities are so different. One loves crafts, one loves trucks and dirt, and our youngest who is almost two, is a mix of both of them. Between arts and crafts and playing outside, that’s mostly what we do.

Q: How long were your children out of your care?

A: 467 days. We were falsely accused of medical child abuse. Our middle child has a rare genetic condition called Xia-Gibbs syndrome. When he was born, he had a lot of airway issues- he had four airway surgeries, tubes in his ears, and was oxygen dependent for a while. He’s doing a lot better now health wise. We were accused by a doctor who had never met us, that we were making it up, and that we’d asked the doctors to do the surgeries. They removed our sons, who were two and three years old in March of 2019. At the time, I was pregnant with my third child. He was born in August, and they took him when he was four hours old.

Q: What was one of the most memorable moments about getting your children back?

A: The look on my babies faces when i told them they get to come home! My 5 year old took this process the hardest. He has an amazing memory and he’s so smart (sometimes I think he’s smarter than my husband and me). My kids didn’t get to stay with family, and they changed homes four times in three months. We were supposed to get them all back in April of 2020, but our court date was pushed to July.

Q: What was the thing you struggled with most in getting your children back?

A: Emotionally, just knowing we had to keep financially fighting and mentally fighting. The hardest thing was definitely putting them in cars as they were screaming and kicking, after every visit. It cost $60,000 in legal fees and to hire experts for our trial. Throughout the separation, I had to do three psych evaluations, because the state wouldn’t accept them. I’m a recovering addict, and they used that against me. I even had a letter from my OBGYN stating that I was fine, but they still made me take a drug test every week. But we did have a great support system and good faith, and that made everything a little better.

Q: What was the worst part about getting separated?

A: My boys never had spent time away from us, maybe a night at their grandparents. They took the kids separately. My son was in the hospital with his dad, and I was home with my oldest. They escorted my husband from the hospital, and we had to know that my son was alone in the hospital for four days. They took my oldest when we were at church. And they took my youngest when he was four hours old. When we left our newborn baby at the hospital, that was our crushing point. I was breastfeeding, so I had to pump, and deliver milk to the DCFS office every day.

In the process of working toward reunification, did you discover things about yourself – strengths, abilities, interests, passions – that (pleasantly) surprised you or that helped you achieve your goals?

I think that I realized how strong I was. When our kids were taken away, we didn’t tell a soul. We didn’t want anyone to know. If DCFS took your kids, we thought that meant there had to be a good reason. And I think that by the end of it, I had no choice, to not talk about it. I had to share it and tell others. Our community rallied with us. We had state representatives, a good attorney, and family and friends, and the Family Justice Resource Center- a nonprofit that deals with false medical allegations, (I remember googling this woman’s phone number, and when she answered, I was afraid she’d think I was crazy- we’re now good friends.) They were able to help us get our experts. We ended up hiring our own doctor to look over our son’s medical records. It was a combination of all these things that helped us reunite with our children. Without one of these puzzle pieces, I wouldn’t be talking to you today. And my heart breaks to think about the moms and dads that are missing a puzzle piece, because they can’t afford that piece, or don’t have it, and won’t be reunified with their kids.

Q: What was the big turning point for you in your case?

A: I got the psychological evaluation from the state approved doctor. The state insisted I go to one of the doctors that was on their approved list for the third evaluation (though they made me pay for it). After a year of being accused of having Munchausen By Proxy, after a year of being accused of being mentally ill, you start to ask yourself, am I as crazy as they think I am? The testing took three days, and that was my biggest turning of relief, that I was not going to let these guys make me doubt myself.

Q: What good came out of the experience if any?

A: I think some good came out of it. Our faith is stronger, my husband’s and my relationship is stronger- if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. At one point, they even offered my husband to divorce me, and if he did, he could have the boys back. I have a passion now and a purpose in life to really fight for change. Our new family motto is “Unlucky but Blessed”.

Q: How do you think this experience has changed your life for the long term?

A: It’s changed my family’s lives. My boys have anxiety now. If we don’t warn them a pizza man is coming, and they knock on the door, they jump up and find us, or they run into a different room. They don’t do well if I leave the house and need to know exactly where I am at all times- especially my oldest. There’s good and bad to it. We’re seeing a therapist for our sons and are being told it could take years for our sons to feel secure again, which brings me to the good part of it changing our lives, because I won’t stop till we get change. We- all the families- need reunification. We need shorter time frames for reunification. One year is too long. We need to make this into weeks, or months. There are kids that need foster care, for example, my husband was adopted, as well as his two siblings. My husband’s biological parents left him with a babysitter and never showed up again. He’s the man he is today because he was loved so much by his adopted parents. We’re not totally against DCFS. But we should use the limited resources help the families that really need it. There are not enough families for every single foster kid, so we should be using the foster families that are around for kids that really need that support. I know a mother who had postpartum depression and called for help- she’s now been trying to get her kids back for 18 months. She’s the one that called for help. I’ve since helped her to get home visits. When parents are healing, we do need our kids. Being with our kids can help us fight our addiction, or help a mother not go back to her abusive husband. I’m now working to change legislation for how long a parent and child should be separated from each other. A year is so long and is traumatizing for both the parent and child. What was your experience like in court? Was it what you expected? What was difficult? What was helpful? It was long. It took us three months for a shelter care hearing. Then a deal was made a year later, but we didn’t get an actual trial date until a year later- it kept getting pushed back because of Covid. We had status hearings once a month. But our support systems were so helpful- the church my husband grew up in, and the church we go to now both helped us. My aunt made a “Save the Kreuger Boys” Facebook page. Our attorney told us not to go public, but we did towards the end. We had churches and businesses with signs that said, “We Support the Krueger’s.”

Q: On visitation, were you able to meet with your children? Was it supervised or unsupervised? How often?

A: From March ‘19 to March ‘20, we only got to see the two older boys twice a week, for two hours visits. We got to see our baby, three times a week, also for two-hour visits. All the visits were supervised. We weren’t even allowed to take them to the bathroom alone. After Covid, we finally got a court order for overnight visitation.

Q: Tell me one person that was a big help to you getting your children back? For example, a social worker, lawyer, service provider, the judge.

Q: There are so many people that I could name. Our attorney was phenomenal. Our state rep was amazing. Michelle Weidner, from the Family Justice Resource Center also really helped make a difference in my case! She helped us get experts for our case, and also was a huge listening ear through everything we went through!

Q: Was there anyone else that was important in helping you get your children back? For example, a relative, a member of your church, temple, etc.

A: My husband’s parents (who as previously mentioned had adopted him when he was a kid). They supported us financially and emotionally. Without them, I don’t know what we would have done. They actually used their retirement money to help fund our case.

Q: Were there services that you did not have that would have found helpful?

A: I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure we used all of them. My husband even had to quit his job and switch to nights to do partake in all the services.

Q: What is the biggest thing you would want someone else to know about your experience? Other parents? Attorneys? Child welfare staff? Judges?

A: Just that we need to shorten the reunification process. That’s my big goal that I’m working on. A year - two years is too long, both mentally and emotionally for the kids. They can’t be away from home for that long, it’s confusing and traumatizing.

Q: What advice would you give to judges, agency directors, legislators, governors or the president about how to improve the system?

A: We need more resources to keep families together, so we can open up the foster care system for those who truly need it. If we had more social workers and more case aids, that could really make a difference. After we got the kids back, I was so worried that we would get accused again, that I asked for three months of court supervision. I had a case aid go to the doctors with me and check on us. My husband and I also installed security cameras in our house because we were so worried that if one of them fell, they’d yank them from us. If they’d sent someone in to supervise us from the beginning when they first had concerns, they wouldn’t have needed to take our kids away.

Q: Is there anything else about you or your experiences that we should highlight?

A: We just really need change!